


Hurtful Pain

by cyanidas



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Delusions, Dependent personality disorder, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Impulse Control, Malnutrition, POV First Person, Self-Denial, as in vy2 has dpd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 03:55:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8041558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanidas/pseuds/cyanidas
Summary: Vent work.
Without her in my life, I am nothing.





	Hurtful Pain

If I stop listening to her voice for one second, it’ll be over for me. The second I stop listening is the second I die.

Song after song after song after song…Repeated songs, old songs, newer songs, duets, acapellas, acoustics, covers, anything, everything! Anything I can find! I can’t stand the silence without it!

The ever-c hanging lightsource from the outside world grew to be too much for me. I’ve already blocked out the curtains. The only light in my vision is from my laptop screen. Doors and windows have been locked twice, I recall, so there’s no need to worry about intruders, not that I mind them.

I’ve spent countless hours gathering any song she has ever performed or recorded, compiling them into one long playlist of her heavenly voice. I will never be alone again, even though I am very alone. So…so very, oddly, coldly, despairingly alone…

No! Don’t think about that, stop thinking about that! It hasn’t happened, it could not have happened, every ounce of it is one big lie! A nightmare, even! It never happened, my mind is lying, she’ll come home! She will!

In the mean time I’ll keep playing her voice on continuous loop.

It’s a shame that my already thin figure has lost a considerable amount of weight. Usually she would come to me, reminding me that I require food to keep on living, but she hasn’t come back yet. She will, though. She will come back!

The only thing I’ve left the room for was bathroom breaks, even then I would keep her voice blasting from my speakers so I could hear her.

She’s going to be so disappointed when she sees me. I’ve not had any light nor food or drink, and I’m somewhat in need of a shower as my hair grows limp. She’ll say,

“Yuuma, what happened to you? You should know better than to fall into this disarray.”

My apologies, my princess, I’ve seemed to forgotten my personal upkeep. But, you see, it was because I didn’t have your lovely guiding hand.

My, she really will be saddened to see what I’ve become. My impulse control was lost the second she left. My body is in small simple healing and old scars, and some new ones. I don’t remember where I got the weapon to do it. She will not be pleased.

If I just keep playing her voice, then my thoughts will not assume the worst, and I will continue living so I’m able to see her face once more.

The songs have begun to blend together, so I’ve hit shuffle. I know every song by heart. Even during my rare sleep, her voice rings in my ears.

It may have been around five days, or three, or more, I’m not sure. I don’t remember what day it was when she left but it must have been around a week ago.

Because the second I stop listening to her voice, it’ll be over for me. I will await her return, and each song will continue playing.

That way, it’s almost as if I didn’t witness her die.

I put my head in my hands.

 

I miss her so much.


End file.
